I remember very plain the days leading up to telling my husband I wanted to start attending church. Just a few weeks prior, I had shed a great number of tears, lost a lot of sleep, dealt with some intense anxiety and felt very heavy hearted.
I knew there was something missing, I could feel it. I clearly believed there had to be more to life beyond a stressful and demanding 40+ hour work week. I would desperately anticipate the weekend to arrive only to find that Sunday evening would once again be seen and it was always in a hurry.
I no longer wanted to accept that working hard, paying bills and not to mention taxes was the purpose of life.
I was brought up in Sunday school and went to children’s church. However, once I turned 16, I started arguing with my Mother about going. I really loved my sleep at that age and could no longer bare the thoughts of getting up to go, even if it was a place that I could see my friends. The battle was eventually won and I stopped going.
I was saved at the age of 23 but this change didn’t last and eventually, I turned my back on God. I kept Him out of my reasoning that I’d never had any type of criminal background, never physically harmed anyone and was an all-around loyal person. Therefore, I was going to start living life for me, not anyone else, just for me.
This time around I was certain about a change and realized what I had to do, but was scared and afraid of what life may be like afterwards. What would people say and think and where would this change lead me?
I knew it was time to get out my Bible that had been put away and had not been opened in a number of years. I knew it was time to communicate what I had been feeling.
While sitting at the restaurant with my husband, it was all I could do to hold back the tears and simply talk. I was broken and undone, had not rested well in weeks, was simply tired and needed to get what I was feeling and thinking off my chest.
After our food arrived, I started out by reminding him of the crying episodes he had seen in the last few weeks. I shared how my heart felt so heavy and how I knew that I needed a change from the way that I had been living.
After taking a few bites of my food and picking around on the plate, I took a sip of water then without any more hesitation I said it, “Honey, I feel like I need to start going to church, I think it will be good for me”! After clearing his throat, He replied he was good with it and would be fine by him.
I was amazed! When I asked his feelings, he told me he would never stand in the way of me going to church.
I let out a deep sigh of relief that had been embedded deep inside my chest.
My mind immediately drifted, as I visualized getting on a bus bound for a brand-new journey that I knew would bring Hope.